Gone Forever
by akaSky
Summary: Fights happen. Yelling happens. Screams happen. Yuki leaving happens. Torn, our beloved singer sings his heart out through lyrics that shock even our linguistic writer. Rated for language. *Under new pen name; originally Island Honey.*


Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. It belongs solely to the geniusness known as Maki Murakami. Neither do I own the song in this fic. That belongs to Three Days Grace.

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**Gone Forever**

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Not again…

It was the same way every time. Just when he thought Yuki was finally beginning to open up, things managed to encounter a tornado and pull them back to square one. Shuichi held his hand up to his cheek. The sting was still there. He could still feel the impression left by Yuki's hand; could still see the hurt and anger in Yuki's eyes; could still feel the pain he felt when Yuki walked out the door.

Walking onto the balcony, Shuichi resisted the urge to cry. He swallowed the sob that threatened to escape and tilted his head up at the sky to prevent the tears from coming down. Three weeks. It's been three whole weeks since Yuki left. Why was he such an idiot? Why did he have to blurt out those words? Why, why, why? All he wanted was to know what was bothering Yuki. But all that got him into was another fight with the older man.

Needless to say, cruel words spewed forth from the writer's mouth. It was just like any other time. Except this time, Yuki mentioned Kitazawa. For the most part, Shuichi was shocked to hear that name again; after all, it has been a while since Yuki's uttered his name. Not only that, but their argument didn't tie in at all with the dead man's name. They had only been arguing about him going to see his next concert. Aside from the shock, the other part --- the deeper, darker part --- of Shuichi, was hurt, scared, and most of all, angry.

Kitazawa…Kitazawa…that damned ghost named 'Kitazawa.'

How Shuichi despised that name. He was hurt. Not from Yuki's words; he was used to them by now. And no matter how heart wrenching they were, Shuichi could never be chased away by that. He was scared. Deep in his heart, he knew that Yuki still had a semblance of love for Kitazawa. His toughest rival was six-feet-under, but still, the competition held a tight race. He was angry --- not just at Kitazawa, but at Yuki.

It was then that he snapped. Just a little bit. But that _little bit_ proved to be the turning point in the whole argument.

-----_____-----

"_Yuki…I don't understand…"_

"_You stupid brat. Of course you don't. You think you're so special, just because I let you live here with me, just because I appear to treat you differently from everybody else. How do you know you're not just another bimbo I'm using as a fuckhole, hmm? How do you know I'm not just using you for convenience?_

"_You're so annoying. All you ever do is pester me all day. You will never understand my past, you will never understand me, and you will never understand what I feel for Kitazawa. So why don't you just shut your trap and fuck the hell off." Yuki moved to walk pass him. All Shuichi could do was stand still._

_A hysterical sob was forcefully stopped by an even deeper pain as Yuki's words sunk in. "Kitazawa, huh?" More tears fell. So this was what it was about. Yuki's past again. Whipping his body around furiously, Shuichi glared at the blond running away from his problems again. "Go to hell, Yuki."_

_Yuki stopped in his tracks. _

_Shuichi didn't even stop to think about his next words. "If you're so hooked on to a ghost, then why don't you just go join him right now? I'm sure his corpse would love some company---"_

_Before he saw it coming, Shuichi found himself thrown against the nearest wall. Shock and pain coursed through his body as he looked up at Yuki. His left hand came up to his stinging cheek. _

_Yuki hit him._

_It was then that Shuichi saw the pain and anger in Yuki's eyes. _

"_Talk about him like that again, and I'll…I'll…" Yuki huffed and turned, the threat unfinished, but still hanging in the air. And just like that, Yuki left and walked out the door._

_----_____----_

Shuichi grimaced at the memory. His heart clenched at what had happened. He had hurt Yuki. He had hurt him, again. No matter how much he showed Yuki that he loved him, the memory of Kitazawa will always be there to haunt his lover.

His knees buckled under him. Tears flowed freely from his eyes now. And the sobs he held in were coming out at full force. Crying was normal to Shuichi. But this time, the conditions were different. This time, the cry was serious.

What about his feelings? Yuki was hurt because of a memory, but Shuichi was hurt because of the man standing in front of him. Yuki was hurt because of what happened in the past, but Shuichi was dying inside because of what was happening to him right now. Yes, he had hurt Yuki, but Yuki had hurt him as well. Sad to say, Shuichi couldn't tell if the writer even had an inkling of the damage he was doing to his heart.

The blue sky had turned gray; the clouds were heavy and dark. Rain pelted down on Shuichi face, mingling with his tears. The sensation was a little bit awkward --- the hot salty liquid mixing with the coolness of the rain. His body went numb then, as his cries died and the sobs coming to a halt. He stared at the railing, not thinking about anything, barely feeling anything at all. The pain in his heart was replaced by a gaping hole. And no band-aid in the world would be able to fix that.

Somewhere in the apartment, his phone went off. The music of "The Rage Beat" slowly lifted the haze from Shuichi's mind. Getting up, the strawberry haired vocalist trudged his way through the apartment to the shrieking phone. By the time he got to it, all he could do was stare blankly. Although he couldn't read the caller id, Shuichi recognized the ringtone as Hiro calling. Guess he better go to the studio before they send K after his head.

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xOxO

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Three months. It's been three months since he's seen his brat.

Yuki smashed the butt of his cigarette into the ashtray next to the couch. Picking up the remote next to the ashtray, he turned the TV on. The contraption automatically tuned in to the music channel. Figures…since that was all he ever watched nowadays…besides of course other news channels that featured game shows and the latest on celebrity news.

Just two months ago, Yuki couldn't even stand hearing any type of music, let alone anything his brat sang. And the hotel was dismayed to find their TV thrown out of the twenty-first floor a couple of times. Yuki sniffed indignantly in irritation. They could fuck off.

But one week later, there was talk on the media about Bad Luck breaking up. He had started tuning in once in a while after that.

Soon, he heard more news about Shuichi's condition, physical and mental, that swirled around the nation. That automatically led to the inevitable situation of their relationship. Yuki had expected some type of talk about their current break up, but to his surprise, Shuichi had been calm and just smiled for the camera, lying about how he was fine…how _they_ were fine.

Another week after that, and Yuki found himself obsessed with watching Shuichi's every public move. In all honesty, he was a little disgusted with himself. What he was doing was an all time low. Not to mention, it was somewhat stalker-ish.

Nothing about Shuichi changed much. He still dressed like a minx on stage and had that look in his eyes when he sang. He still appeared to be obnoxious and bouncy. But while he put on a mask in front of everyone, Yuki noticed that his childish lover was missing some of his usual shine. A seriousness --- or was it sadness --- replaced the usual light in his eyes. And his lyrics…boy, did it change. His usual upbeat, alien, zero-talent lyrics transformed into a darker theme. Yuki noticed it, and so did the media. It was the talk of the nation.

If Shuichi wasn't showing his change on the outside, it definitely began to blossom in his music. And in all honesty, though he'd never admit it, it somewhat scared Yuki.

Yuki had planned to go back to his brat, but for some reason, he just couldn't find the strength to face the smiling punk yet. He knew he had hurt him deep this time around, but his pride refused to let him apologize. Half of him still believed that Shuichi should be the one running after him and bowing at his feet.

A headline in the music show suddenly popped out on the screen. Yuki looked up at hearing Shuichi's name, snapping out of his reverie. The annoying wench on the screen announced a concert coming out tonight featuring the brat's band. After the announcement, she went back to blabbering about stupid nonsense, bringing a slight migraine in Yuki's head. It forced him to shut the contraption off.

Grunting in annoyance, Yuki pulled out another cancer stick from his pack. Ignoring the picture on his lighter as he lit his cigarette, Yuki stood up to get changed. All Shuichi wanted was for him to see his next concert. All he wanted was to know what was wrong when he angrily refused. And now, the opportunity presented itself. Guess now was the best time to "apologize."

After all, Yuki missed his brat.

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xOxO

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The crowd was roaring, cheering for the band to come out. Shuichi let his gaze sweep the audience, trying to find the usual spark that made him love performing. It took a while to find that excitement again; the flame was fading slowly as time wore on, as Yuki became a more distant figure in his mind.

His heart tore open again at the thought of Yuki. But now, he couldn't cry. He couldn't even force himself to cry. His heart was crying, and that was so much worst.

He jumped a bit at the hand on his shoulder, whipping his head around in surprise.

"Whoa, there. Relax, man," Hiro smiled at Shuichi. Shuichi merely smiled back at him. The smile was obviously forced, and somewhat contorted. It no longer reached his eyes. Heck, it barely passed the dimples that used to be there. Hiro felt part of his own heart breaking for his friend.

"C'mon. They're waiting for us."

Shuichi nodded and let Hiro lead him through the madness of the backstage. It was time. Hiro and Suguru stepped out first. The stage had no light on, so the crowd couldn't see them at all. Then, all of a sudden, in the middle of a cheer, Hiro's guitar started playing. The crowd went wild. Fujisaki followed him, playing the synthesizer in perfect harmony. The stage lights went on as well, as sparks blew forth along with smoke. The audience screamed louder.

The colored lights went crazy for a second, spinning out of control as more smoke crawled through the stage. Shuichi stepped onto the platform that raised him up to his spot on stage. The spotlights stopped their chaotic dance and focused on him. If it was possible, the crowd went even more hysterical.

Waiting for his cue, Shuichi scanned the crowd: a normal habit that formed since his first concert. He expected to find nothing, but he was shocked standstill when he spotted Yuki. Calling upon the discipline he worked on for the past few months, Shuichi forced himself to let his gaze wonder over Yuki for only a second, before moving on to the next person, making as though he never saw him.

Although he successfully pulled his eyes away from Yuki, he missed his first cue, which didn't go unnoticed by the blond.

Hiro and Suguru looked up at their vocalist.

"Hello, Tokyo!!" Shuichi called out, desperately looking for a way to cover up his mistake. The audience screamed in excitement. Both band members sighed inwardly in relief and replayed the last measure. But Shuichi held out a hand to stop them. Suguru slowed his beats to a stop while Hiro scrunched his brows in confusion. The audience hushed down a little as they too became confused with Shuichi's actions.

Shuichi took the microphone in both hands and smiled sadly. A silence finally claimed the crowd. Yuki frowned a bit. "Tonight is a special evening. Instead of opening with our usual number, you all get to hear our newest track, _Gone Forever_."

A thunderous applause exploded then while Shuichi looked back apologetically at his band members. Both members were surprised.

"Shuichi, do you really want to do this?" Hiro asked worriedly. Suguru looked at him with concern, but said nothing.

The pink-haired singer nodded his head. "I'm ready."

The beat changed drastically as Hiro played a deeper rhythm. A melancholy atmosphere took hold of the stadium as Suguru joined, playing a dark beat to match Hiro's guitar. Turning back around, Shuichi opened the eyes he didn't remember closing. Then, he sang.

Yuki looked on with interest, curious about the sudden change in songs. Shuichi's voice reached him then.

_Don't know what's going on._

_Don't know what went wrong._

_It feels like a 100 years._

_I still can't believe you're gone._

Yuki smiled a bit. Although it annoyed him at times, his being felt more at peace, feeling the familiar wave of love at hearing _his_ Shuichi sing about him again.

_So I'll stay up all night,_

_With these bloodshot eyes,_

_While these walls surround me,_

_With the story of our life._

So that's what he's been doing since he's been gone.

_I feel so, much better,_

_Now that you're gone forever._

_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all._

_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better,_

_Now that you're gone forever._

The smile on the blonde's face turned into a frown and his brows furrowed together. His heart did an unexpected jump, before clenching painfully. What did Shuichi just say?

_Now things are coming clear,_

_And I don't need you here._

_And in this world around me,_

_I'm glad you disappeared._

_So I'll stay out all night,_

_Get drunk and fuck and fight,_

Anger spurred in Yuki. He had better not be doing that.

_Until the morning comes _

_I'll forget about our life._

_I feel so, much better,_

_Now that you're gone forever._

_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all._

_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better,_

_Now that you're gone forever._

Yuki could feel his chest squeezing painfully. This was nonsense. Shuichi had better stop now.

_First time you screamed at me,_

_I should have made you leave._

_I should have known it could be so much better._

Did he really feel better now? A knife lodged itself in Yuki's heart.

_I hope you're missing me._

_I hope I've made you see,_

_That I'm gone forever._

He couldn't mean that. His brat couldn't mean that.

_And now it's coming clear,_

_That I don't need you here._

_And in this world around me,_

_I'm glad you disappeared._

The knife began to stab in and out of his chest. With every word that came our of Shuichi's mouth, another pain hit Yuki. His lungs refused to function properly, and his head began to see stars.

_I feel so, much better,_

_Now that you're gone forever._

_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all._

It was a lie. One big fat lie. Yuki resisted the urge to clutch at his heart. The pain was almost unbearable. His gut started wrenching in pain as well, twisting agonizingly.

_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better,_

_Now that you're gone forever._

_And now you're gone forever._

Yuki looked down. He could no longer look at the man he claimed as his brat. Tears blurred his vision. He couldn't take it anymore. Putting his hands in his pants pockets, the golden-eyed man turned to leave.

_And now you're gone forever._

With swift steps, Yuki forced himself to get out of the stadium. Leaving his broken heart behind, he kept his eyes focused on the darkness in front of him. It was his fault. This whole thing --- this Shuichi, this intruder who took the place of the boy he loved --- it was all his fault. But now he realized that maybe this was for the best. He had constantly hurt Shuichi, whether it was on purpose or not. He had constantly made the younger boy cry. He had constantly been receiving the love he didn't return...and now, he was abusing the person he could never deserve. Yes...perhaps this really was for the best.

The lights faded at the song's end, the crowd cheered their loudest yet, and Yuki never got to see the single tear that slid down his beloved Shuichi's face.

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**A/N: And there you have it, folks. I totally suck at writing angst. But anyways, I hoped you all liked it. I meant for this to be a one-shot, but depending on the response I get, I may just make a sequel. Thanks for taking your time to read this, and please review!!**

**xOxO**

**~Island Honey**


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